The Unauthorized Autobiography of David Schmoot
This is not the tidy, triumphant memoir of a hero overcoming adversity. This is the play-by-play of a human being stumbling forward in real time.
No lessons. No morals. No personal growth.
Displayed are David’s deeply personal triumphs, seismic regrets, little wins and large humiliations.
Every story is true and in chronological order so as every questionable decision bleeds into the next, you’ll witness the slow, chaotic construction of a personality.
This is the Unauthorized Autobiography of David Schmoot.
Episodes
Sep 9, 2026
Sep 9, 2026
9 min
The ten dollar test that no recent parent would ever attempt.
Song: Boum! by Charles Trenet
https://open.spotify.com/track/4YbKfgDzCyoHJpiaTm1Mrt?si=486e1e259e5344ae
Aug 6, 2026
Aug 6, 2026
11 min
First taste of freedom. Song: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Io3mzv9H9U6ISdL9RXkx7?si=bf5b6cf2baaa4948
Jul 9, 2026
Jul 9, 2026
8 min
Sucker punched by Santa.
Song: Last Christmas by Whamhttps://open.spotify.com/track/2FRnf9qhLbvw8fu4IBXx78?si=43f296875f61404e
Jun 15, 2026
Jun 15, 2026
10 min
Pretty near death experience. White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxeshttps://open.spotify.com/track/0GegHVxeozw3rdjte45Bfx?si=2aaf5bd0c2a543ad
May 27, 2026
May 27, 2026
9 min
My younger, sexier self.
Song: Shame Shame Shame by the Stoneshttps://open.spotify.com/track/0l5i2lHBBB1UqFg44HSMuF?si=941784f978ae4462
Apr 27, 2026
Apr 12, 2026
Apr 12, 2026
9 min
Never get into a pissing contest with your brother.
Song: The Hollies "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." https://open.spotify.com/track/2ooZajrDL4Com6ZUW736le?si=97af91b98b614817
Mar 16, 2026
Mar 16, 2026
8 min
After school lessons.
Song: Moanin' by Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers
https://open.spotify.com/track/4Vkk3iD1VrENHJEACNddvt?si=cb190791b36548bb
Mar 2, 2026
Mar 2, 2026
12 min
The genesis of being terrified of public speaking.
Song: Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah"https://open.spotify.com/track/7yzbimr8WVyAtBX3Eg6UL9?si=68ff4fb18ddb40d5
Mar 2, 2026
Mar 2, 2026
8 min
It's not a wandering eye, it's a lazy eye.
Song: X-Press 2 (featuring David Byrne) "Lazy"https://open.spotify.com/track/2IhsxXGKDltJu5PCA8yExZ?si=bf4e889a555b4ed4